You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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