She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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