So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
