I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
