Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
