life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
