i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
