can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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