new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
