Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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