He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
