I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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