the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
