Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just high enough for therapy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
