.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You have to summon your inner elephant
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
