In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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