So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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