Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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