one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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