no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
