She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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