Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
