you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
