fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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