so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
