The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You may now shotgun with the bride
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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