I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
