It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
