When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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