I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
