god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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