Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
