Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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