Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
