Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
