i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The adults are the big ones right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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