First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
