I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
