I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
whose parrot is this?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
