i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
