Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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