Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
