In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
