im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
