i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
