Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
