she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
