speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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