someone threw a dead crab at me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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