dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
